Doing too much, feeling too much

“I’m meeting Tom,” my husband tells me, “and perhaps I’ll go to a museum too, this afternoon, beforehand.” It’s a Monday morning, and I feel waves of emotion overcome me. They pummel me right in the gut, in that space that’s still waiting for my breakfast. The waves ripple up to my throat, and as I flip over my omelet, I know what it is that I feel.

“I’m jealous,” I tell him. “I wish I could go too. Not tonight, with you, necessarily, but to the museum, just like that, on a ‘school day.’"  I’m jealous that he, who works the same hours that I do, makes time to enjoy a leisurely afternoon at the museum.

My free day isn't holy any more

I think of how my day is spread out for me.  I have a meeting that I ‘must’ attend, today. It’s the day when I never have classes scheduled. For some teachers, that 'free day' is holy, but lately, it hasn't been holy for me. This week I only teach on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, so actually it’s not the end of the world, or is it?

I am not good at filling in forms

Partially, it’s what this meeting is about that is stressing me. It’s about the redesign of the curriculum. It’s an important meeting – where we will make sure that we don’t give overlapping assignments to students and also sort out the timetables –  so that the students won’t have all the deadlines scheduled at exactly the same time. Important, yes, but difficult to achieve.

Time to Nurture my Creative Juices

For the school, this topic is a high priority. But for me, it isn't the highest priority right now. I have to sort out what I will teach in the first class of my Team Development group to get them more motivated than ever, and how to work out a good ‘idea speed date’ session in my other class so that each student is exposed to all the other ideas, but we don’t all have to listen to all the pitches one after the other. Or should we? I, personally, tire after the first 10. Maybe that’s just me, though. 

Day by day

I am focused on getting through this week. Finding a new time to give feedback to the students about their reports from last semester because the official review time happens to conflict with a lesson of mine. Then notifying them of this new time. Being kind to my family who is dealing with me and with my emotions, which wildly swing from one extreme to the next.  Caring for my kids who are in need of attention and support, as they meet their own busy, crazy schedules. And giving my husband the tender, loving care he needs and deserves. It’s Valentine’s Day this week, after all!

The almost end

There is not (yet) a happy end to this story. I am still stressed and a bit jealous. I am overwhelmed by my week to come. I have woken up and done a meditation on happiness, seen that the sky has some blue in it, enjoyed a healthy breakfast and have enough time to prepare for my meeting or do some of the many other things I need to do this morning. 

And now? Any better?
But the dull ache in my throat and behind my eyes tells me that I’m ‘not there yet’ and that I need to focus on consciously looking out for me. Self care. Self love. Feeling the emotions, good and bad. And making choices that work for me. Who knows, maybe I’ll find time for a museum this week, too?

Wait!
I wrote my blog (and I love writing! and especially love when my blog is read too!) and I created a creative Canva art thingie as well. Yes! This counts as self care!